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I went upstairs and started,-in the name of the god, the entirely merciful and especially merciful…-After a while like this, I finished praying, saying,-the god is the greatest!-And then I went back downstairs to see him. Now he was sitting on a chair, and as soon as I entered the living room, he stood up and came towards me.-hey my darling hameeda, how are you? What were you doing?-I answered him as he took me in his arms and looked into my eyes.-i was praying to god, to forgive me for anything wrong i did and, if god wills, i will be forgiven--well, what if he does not will?--then i will be punished eternally…just do not ask about that, please-I was really afraid to talk about that. I knew i already had sinned terribly. He smiled and palmed my face.-do not be sorry, if you must face punishment, i will come with you to face it-His words were consoling. But did he really mean it?-how? You do not even believe god exists, right?--well, that is a different case…-He left me, walked. . It seems like I'm a m*****er when I sleep, I don't want to do anything wrong when I'm sleeping" "Oh cuz you know I love you, please come and I'll cook us dinner."I finished up at work, Grabbed some clothes & headed back to her house. When I arrived she had a nice dinner going in the kitchen and a big bottle of white wine. She poured us a glass and we started joking about last night. I was relieved that she found it humorous and I felt like I was off the hook. The pressure was gone. She seemed to be in better spirits, and after her first glass of wine she served us dinner and we seemed like a happy couple. It was weird, but I loved her and wanted her to be happy. After we ate we went for a walk around her neighborhood & talked more. Nobody knew us and she grabbed my arm and we walked like couples do. Anybody seeing us would probably think we were in love the way we carried ourselves. I was crazy about her, but so unsure of how to deal with these forbidden feelings. I wanted to hug.
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